i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
