when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
