Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
