wake up i wanna do it froggy style
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
