rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
