i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
