Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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