My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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