i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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