So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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