I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
