The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
