I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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