My room smells like vodka and shame
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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