I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
