worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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