get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize