hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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