Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
