When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My balls are so social today.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
