he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize