can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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