throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
