try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
