She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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