Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
