dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize