Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize