Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
