why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
