and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
