All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
