I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
