The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
