tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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