my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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