I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
