So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
