im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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