we have officially lost it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize