How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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