so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
