idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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