I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
