Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
