Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
not ubering you a puppy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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