All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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