If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
