I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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