Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize