Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He has the fingertips of a God
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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