I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize