I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
