i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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