Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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