can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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